This Volcano Cauliflower might Heal Your Gut & Codependency
The first time I tried to make a whole roasted head of cauliflower was 6 years ago.
I was in a relationship where I always made myself small.
My ex was a Z-list celebrity when we met. I had a joking crush on him, and slid into his DMs. To my surprise, he responded and we started dating.
I’m not sure if it was the circumstances under which we met, his “fame” at the time, or my own unresolved trauma, but the entire relationship revolved around him. I completely revolved around him. I made myself completely small, completely needless. I was there only to give give give and never receive.
I would clean after him, try to cook for him, I would be his sounding board, help him with all of his work decisions, write jokes for him, endlessly ask him and talk to him about him and his life. I tried to anticipate all of his needs, shower him with attention, and constantly praise him. I never talked about myself, my dreams, my goals, my ambitions, my wants, or my needs. My needs?! Who was she? I didn’t know her.
Unbeknownst to myself, I was making myself as small and needless as possible; while also making myself indispensable to him; because I was trying to insure the longevity of the relationship.
Little did I know at the time…this was textbook codependency.
What Codependency Means
Codependency is a complex and multifaceted psychological concept characterized by dysfunctional patterns of behavior, thoughts, and emotions in interpersonal relationships. Originally coined to describe the dynamics observed in families of individuals struggling with substance abuse, codependency has since been recognized as a broader phenomenon that can manifest in various types of relationships.
Key Characteristics of Codependency:
Excessive Caretaking and Enabling: Codependent individuals often prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own, to the extent of neglecting their own well-being. They may engage in excessive caregiving, rescuing, or enabling behaviors, feeling responsible for the happiness and success of others.
Lack of Boundaries: Codependent individuals tend to have blurred or nonexistent boundaries in their relationships, making it difficult for them to assert their own needs, preferences, and limits. They may struggle to say "no" or set healthy boundaries, leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, and exhaustion.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Codependent individuals often derive their self-esteem and sense of identity from external validation and approval, rather than from within. They may have a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment, driving them to seek validation and approval from others at the expense of their own needs.
Avoidance of Conflict: Codependent individuals may go to great lengths to avoid conflict or confrontation in their relationships, fearing that asserting themselves or expressing their true feelings will jeopardize the connection or lead to rejection. As a result, they may suppress their emotions or tolerate mistreatment to maintain the relationship.
Difficulty with Intimacy and Authenticity: Codependent individuals may struggle with intimacy and authenticity in relationships, as they may feel compelled to hide their true thoughts, feelings, or vulnerabilities to avoid rocking the boat or risking rejection. This can lead to superficial or inauthentic connections characterized by a lack of genuine emotional intimacy.
Signs of Codependency:
Overinvolvement in Others' Lives: Constantly focusing on and trying to solve others' problems, often to the detriment of one's own well-being.
People-Pleasing Behavior: Going out of one's way to please others, even at the expense of one's own needs, values, or boundaries.
Fear of Abandonment: An intense fear of rejection or abandonment, driving efforts to maintain relationships at any cost.
Difficulty Saying No: Feeling unable to decline requests or assert boundaries, even when it's in one's best interest to do so.
Emotional Reactivity: Feeling overly sensitive to criticism, rejection, or disapproval, and reacting with intense emotional distress.
Identity Fusion: Difficulty distinguishing one's own thoughts, feelings, and desires from those of others, leading to a blurred sense of identity.
Psychological Mechanisms Underlying Codependency:
Codependency often arises from early life experiences, such as growing up in dysfunctional or emotionally neglectful families, where one learns maladaptive coping strategies and relational patterns. These experiences can shape core beliefs and schemas about oneself, others, and relationships, perpetuating codependent behaviors into adulthood. Additionally, neurobiological factors, such as alterations in stress response systems and attachment circuits, may contribute to the development and maintenance of codependent patterns.
My Guts
Anyway, on one particular fall afternoon, my codependency was showing herself in the kitchen. I wanted to make something to really wow this guy. I wanted to impress him. I wanted him to think “wow, this girl isn’t just funny, cute, and really insightful, she’s also an amazing cook. I better never lose her.”
I had seen some pictures of whole roasted cauliflower heads on instagram. It looked fancy & fun. I wanted to give it a try, but I was also scared.
You see, cauliflower is something I used to be terrified to eat. I always loved it, but even looking at it too long made me bloated.
I used to constantly look at lists of foods that caused bloating, including protocols like low FODMAP, and cut out any foods that I thought could cause any sort of digestive issues. I thought I was sensitive to half the foods out there. I was constantly taking food sensitivity tests, going to functional health practitioners, and just trying to get someone to tell me why my guts were in disarray.
So, when I wanted to make this whole roasted head of cauliflower, I was excited to impress him with my presentation style; but I was simultaneously terrified that I would get bloated or gassy if I ate it.
I mean, no girl ever wants that; but in this scenario, my fears were exacerbated by the codependency. Trying to make myself small, indispensable, and needless involved always looking and feeling my best. There was no room for digestive issues.
Of course, I didn’t have any food sensitivities. My gut microbiome was just a disaster
The Gut Microbiome
The gut microbiome refers to the complex community of microorganisms that inhabit the gastrointestinal tract, primarily the colon. It comprises bacteria, viruses, fungi, and other microbes, collectively known as the gut microbiota. These microorganisms play a crucial role in various physiological processes, including digestion, immune function, metabolism, and even mood regulation.
Composition of the Gut Microbiome:
The gut microbiome is incredibly diverse, with thousands of different species of microorganisms coexisting within the intestinal environment. The predominant members of the gut microbiota are bacteria, primarily belonging to the phyla Firmicutes, Bacteroidetes, Actinobacteria, and Proteobacteria. Each individual harbors a unique gut microbiome composition, influenced by factors such as genetics, diet, lifestyle, and environmental exposures.
Functions of the Gut Microbiome:
Digestion and Nutrient Absorption: The gut microbiota play a vital role in breaking down complex carbohydrates, fiber, and other indigestible compounds that the human host cannot metabolize on its own. Certain gut bacteria produce enzymes that facilitate the fermentation of dietary fiber into short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs), such as acetate, propionate, and butyrate, which serve as an energy source for intestinal cells and have numerous health benefits.
Immune Regulation: The gut microbiome interacts closely with the host immune system, influencing immune development, tolerance, and defense against pathogens. Beneficial gut bacteria help maintain a balanced immune response, while dysbiosis (imbalance) of the gut microbiota can contribute to immune dysfunction and inflammation, increasing the risk of autoimmune diseases and allergic disorders.
Metabolism and Energy Homeostasis: The gut microbiota play a key role in regulating energy metabolism and adiposity by modulating the extraction and storage of energy from the diet. Dysbiosis of the gut microbiome has been implicated in metabolic disorders such as obesity, insulin resistance, and type 2 diabetes.
Neurological Function and Mood Regulation: Emerging evidence suggests that the gut microbiome can influence brain function and behavior through the gut-brain axis, a bidirectional communication pathway between the gut and the central nervous system. Gut bacteria produce neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), that regulate mood and cognition. Alterations in the gut microbiota composition have been linked to psychiatric disorders, including depression, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorders.
Impact of Gut Microbiome Imbalance:
Imbalances in the gut microbiome, known as dysbiosis, can have profound implications for gastrointestinal health, immune function, and overall well-being. Dysbiosis may result from various factors, including antibiotic use, dietary habits, stress, infection, and environmental exposures. Common manifestations of gut dysbiosis include:
Digestive Discomfort: Dysbiosis can disrupt normal digestive processes, leading to symptoms such as bloating, gas, abdominal pain, diarrhea, or constipation.
Immune Dysfunction: Dysbiosis may impair immune function, increasing susceptibility to infections, autoimmune diseases, and inflammatory conditions.
Mood Disorders: Alterations in the gut microbiome composition have been associated with mood disorders such as depression and anxiety, highlighting the importance of the gut-brain axis in mental health.
Metabolic Disorders: Dysbiosis has been implicated in metabolic disorders such as obesity, insulin resistance, and dyslipidemia, underscoring the role of the gut microbiome in metabolic regulation.
Dietary Influence on Gut Microbiome:
Dietary choices profoundly influence the composition and function of the gut microbiome. A diet rich in fiber, fruits, vegetables, and fermented foods promotes a diverse and beneficial gut microbiota, whereas a diet high in processed foods, sugar, and saturated fats can disrupt microbial balance and promote dysbiosis. Incorporating prebiotic foods (e.g., garlic, onions, leeks, asparagus) and probiotic-rich foods (e.g., yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut) can support gut health by nourishing beneficial gut bacteria and promoting microbial diversity.
It’s funny, looking back now, that for a long time I didn’t see the connection between my codependency & my gut issues.
The Connection
Codependent individuals often experience chronic stress due to their tendency to prioritize the needs of others over their own, leading to persistent emotional distress and heightened activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. Dysregulation of the HPA axis can disrupt the balance of cortisol, a key stress hormone, which plays a role in modulating immune function and gut health. Chronic elevation of cortisol levels can impair immune function in the gut, leading to alterations in the gut microbiome composition and increased susceptibility to gut dysbiosis.
The autonomic nervous system (ANS), which comprises the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches, plays a crucial role in regulating gastrointestinal function. Codependency is often associated with dysregulated ANS activity, characterized by heightened sympathetic arousal (fight-or-flight response) and attenuated parasympathetic tone (rest-and-digest response). Dysregulated ANS activity can disrupt gut motility, secretion, and blood flow, contributing to symptoms such as bloating, abdominal discomfort, and altered bowel habits.
Chronic stress and dysregulated stress response systems can directly influence the gut microbiome composition through neuroendocrine and immune pathways. Stress-induced alterations in gut motility and intestinal permeability can create an environment conducive to the growth of pathogenic bacteria and opportunistic pathogens, while suppressing the growth of beneficial bacteria. This dysbiotic shift in the gut microbiome can compromise immune function, disrupt gut barrier integrity, and exacerbate gastrointestinal symptoms.
Codependent individuals may engage in maladaptive coping behaviors, such as emotional eating, restrictive eating patterns, or self-medication with alcohol or drugs, in response to chronic stress and emotional distress. These behaviors can negatively impact gut health and exacerbate gut dysbiosis by altering dietary patterns, nutrient intake, and gut microbiome diversity. For example, excessive consumption of processed foods high in sugar and fat can promote the growth of pathogenic bacteria and disrupt microbial balance in the gut.
The gut-brain axis, a bidirectional communication pathway between the gut and the central nervous system, plays a crucial role in regulating gut function, immune responses, and emotional well-being. Dysregulation of the gut-brain axis, as seen in individuals with codependency and chronic stress, can contribute to functional gastrointestinal disorders (FGIDs) such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), characterized by symptoms of bloating, abdominal pain, and altered bowel habits. Dysfunctional gut-brain axis signaling may exacerbate gut dysbiosis and perpetuate symptoms of digestive discomfort.
The Remedy
I struggled with both codependency & gut issues until I learned to stop separating the two, and I started viewing them both as symptoms. They were both symptoms of the same root cause— a dysregulated nervous system.
It wasn’t until well after we broke up that I was able to really see the connection. And after that, I was able to start healing. Here are some things that I did to improve my gut health & my codependency:
Regulated my Nervous System— there are two things that I mean by this. First: I used tools to be able to ground & soothe myself to get back to a Ventral Vagal state after experiencing a stressor. These tools include things like mindfulness meditation, somatic releases, restorative breathwork, and ground exercises. Next, I used hermetic tools to increase my mental resilience & strength, so that my capacity for stress increased. These include tools like active breathwork, hard exercise, cold exposure, and more. For more on the Nervous System, check the Blush Academy Regulate Your Nervous System course.
Did Inner Child Work— once my nervous system could handle it, I started doing trauma processing therapy modalities, like somatic experiencing & EMDR. What ultimately ended up working well for me was hypnosis. I don’t mean hypnosis like a man on a stage getting you to bark like a dog. It was more like a deep meditation. I would guide myself into a theta-brain-wave state, where the subconscious mind is more forward, and then I would revisit painful & shameful memories in that state. I then use bilateral stimulation to take the emotional charge of the memory away, then proceed to visualize a different outcome. This visualization creates a new neural pathway in the brain that anticipates better outcomes. I know it sounds woo woo, but it’s actually completely rooted in neuroscience & neuroplasticity. I used this methodology to literally re-wire my brain into that of a secure, independent, confident person. If you are curious about this methodology, I have guided Neural Rewiring Practices (aka NRPs, aka what I call my hypnosis modality) in the Blush Academy.
Ate Brain & Gut Nourishing Foods— I got rid of my food fears and started eating a wide variety of plant foods. I stopped googling if various foods caused bloating, and just started eating freely. This allowed me to get the necessary prebiotic fiber to support my gut microbiome, improve my gut health, and therefore support my nervous system & gut microbiome
The Dish
This volcano cauliflower is the perfect dish to support your gut health, your nervous system, and your emotional health. The roasted cauliflower sits on a bed of a tofu-cashew cream, and is drizzled with a sesame-gochujang sauce & a creamy beet sauce, and topped with some fresh herbs, crispy gochujang navy beans, & a homemade gochugaru-dulse seasoning mix.
It’s high in protein, not just from the tofu, but also the navy beans that are snuck into the sauces; it’s filled with prebiotic fiber; has some probiotic ingredients; and the whole dish is anti-inflammatory & antioxidant-rich.
Some nutritional highlights:
1. Fiber:
the beans, cauliflower, beets, and really, all the ingredients in the dish are rich in fiber
Fiber promotes gut health by supporting regular bowel movements, feeding beneficial gut bacteria, and reducing inflammation in the gut lining.
Fiber adds bulk to stool, which helps prevent constipation and supports healthy digestion. It also acts as a prebiotic, providing fuel for beneficial gut bacteria to thrive and produce short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs), which nourish the gut lining and regulate immune function.
2. Probiotics:
Probiotics support gut health by introducing beneficial bacteria to the gut microbiome, enhancing microbial diversity, and improving digestion.
Probiotics, found in fermented foods like miso and gochujang, help maintain a balanced gut microbiome by crowding out harmful bacteria and promoting the growth of beneficial strains. They also produce enzymes and metabolites that aid in digestion and nutrient absorption.
3. Prebiotics:
Prebiotics; found in the beans, onions, and garlic; nourish beneficial gut bacteria, promote microbial diversity, and support gut barrier function.
Prebiotics contain fibers like fructooligosaccharides (FOS) and inulin, which are selectively fermented by beneficial gut bacteria. This fermentation process produces SCFAs, which help maintain a healthy gut environment, reduce inflammation, and strengthen the gut barrier against harmful pathogens.
4. Antioxidants:
Antioxidants, found in herbs like cilantro, parsley, and dill, protect against oxidative stress, reduce inflammation, and support gut health.
Antioxidants neutralize free radicals and oxidative damage in the body, including the gut, preventing cellular damage and inflammation. They also support immune function and promote tissue repair, contributing to overall gut health and well-being.
5. Essential Nutrients:
Essential nutrients like magnesium, zinc, and B vitamins, found in ingredients like cashews and sesame seeds, support nervous system function, emotional regulation, and overall well-being.
Magnesium and zinc play key roles in neurotransmitter synthesis, nerve transmission, and mood regulation. B vitamins, including B12 from nutritional yeast, are essential for nerve function, energy metabolism, and emotional well-being.
6. Omega-3 Fatty Acids:
Omega-3 fatty acids, found in dulse and certain seeds, have anti-inflammatory properties and support brain health, emotional regulation, and gut function.
Omega-3 fatty acids, particularly EPA and DHA, reduce inflammation in the gut and throughout the body, promoting gut healing and reducing symptoms of digestive discomfort. They also support cognitive function, mood stability, and stress resilience, contributing to emotional well-being.
7. Amino Acids:
Amino acids, found in ingredients like tofu and nutritional yeast, are essential for neurotransmitter production, mood regulation, and emotional well-being.
Amino acids are the building blocks of neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA, which play crucial roles in mood regulation, stress response, and emotional stability. Consuming adequate protein sources supports neurotransmitter synthesis and promotes emotional resilience.
The Recipe
Tofu-Cashew Cream Ingredients:
1 block firm tofu, drained & blotted
1 cup soaked raw cashews
3 tbsp nutritional yeast
4 tbsp chickpea miso
3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1/2-3/4 cup water
Creamy Beet Sauce Ingredients:
2-3 small red beets, roasted until cooked through, and peeled
3 tbsp chickpea miso
1 can navy beans, drained & rinsed
1-2 cloves garlic
1 cup water
1 cup soaked raw cashews
3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
Sesame Gochujang Sauce Ingredients:
1 can navy beans, drained & rinsed
5 tbsp gochujang
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 cup water
2 cloves garlic
2 tbsp chickpea miso
optional: 1-2 pitted medjool dates
4 tbsp tahini
Crispy Gochujang Navy beans:
1 can navy beans, drained & rinsed
1 tbsp gochujang
avocado oil
Other Ingredients:
1 whole head of cauliflower
Optional: avocado oil spray. coating with oil will make the outside crispier, but I often omit this step
Fresh herbs. I used cilantro, parsley, chives, scallions, dill. You can use your favorite soft herbs.
Seasoning blend: 1 tablespoon each of gochugaru (you can sub chili flakes), smoked dulse, dried minced garlic, dried minced onions
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 415F. I put my oven on the convection roast setting
Turn your head of cauliflower over, and cut down the stem & cut off the leaves
Blend all of the sauce ingredients together for all 3 sauces. Rinse the beans, and drain and rinse the soaked cashews before blending
Toss the navy beans with gochujang, cover in avocado oil, and roast them for 10-15 minutes, until crispy
Roast the cauliflower until the outside is golden-brown. Roughly 45 min, but depends on the size of the cauliflower & oven variability.
This part is important: when the cauliflower looks like it’s a perfect golden-brown shade on the outside, turn the oven off, but LEAVE THE DOOR CLOSED. Use the oven light to check, do not open the oven door!! When it’s golden-brown, just turn the oven off, leave the cauliflower in. Let it sit in there for minimum 30 minutes. This keeps the outside crispy, and perfectly steams the inside. You get a crunchy outside, buttery soft inside, head of cauliflower.
Smear a plate with the tofu-cashew cream
put the cauliflower on top
Pour the gochujang & beet sauces on top
Top with herbs & seasoning blend
