Unlock Your Inner Power: The Science-Backed Guide to Building Unshakeable Confidence
When I was 20, I dated a much older guy.
We met because he was speaking at a tax policy event that I attended back when I was in college and starting a career in public policy. I just found myself so drawn to him. I was newly single after having left a really toxic relationship, filled with gaslighting & fighting. I was confused about my attraction to this much older man, but I decided to throw caution to the wind & go for it.
We ended up dating for a year and a half, although I was never particularly open about the relationship, and he was cheating on me the entire time, so I’m not sure it really counts, but that’s neither here nor there.
This is the part I want to get to: this man had crazy game.
And it kind of didn’t make sense. Sure, he was good looking & friendly. But he was older. He wasn’t rich. He didn’t drink or do anything particularly fun.
One time I asked him how he meets so many young, attractive women. I will never forget his answer.
He said he generally meets women at events where he is speaking. He said that he’s really confident in tax policy, and that confidence radiated out when he was speaking. He said it wasn’t money, looks, or anything else that draws people in, it’s simply true, authentic, confidence.
What it Means to be Confident
Confidence is a complex psychological construct that encompasses a range of beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors related to self-assurance, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. Here are some elements of what confidence means:
Self-Assurance and Self-Belief:
Confidence involves a sense of self-assurance and belief in one's abilities, skills, and worth. It reflects a deep-seated trust in oneself to navigate challenges, pursue goals, and overcome obstacles effectively.
Positive Self-Image:
Confidence is associated with a positive self-image and a healthy self-concept. It involves accepting oneself, flaws and all, and having a realistic yet optimistic view of one's strengths, talents, and potential.
Self-Efficacy:
Confidence is closely linked to self-efficacy, which refers to one's belief in their ability to achieve specific goals and tasks. Individuals with high self-efficacy are more likely to approach challenges with a sense of competence and optimism, viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles.
Emotional Resilience:
Confidence encompasses emotional resilience and the ability to cope effectively with adversity, criticism, and failure. Confident individuals are better equipped to bounce back from setbacks, maintain a positive outlook, and persevere in the face of challenges.
Assertiveness and Presence:
Confidence is reflected in assertive communication, the ability to express oneself authentically, and assert personal boundaries. Confident individuals project a sense of presence and self-assuredness that commands respect and attention from others.
Action-Oriented Behavior:
Confidence is manifested through action-oriented behavior and a willingness to take risks, pursue opportunities, and step outside of one's comfort zone. Confident individuals embrace challenges and seize opportunities for growth and personal development.
Internal Locus of Control:
Confidence is associated with an internal locus of control, where individuals perceive themselves as being in control of their own destiny and capable of shaping their circumstances through their actions and choices. This sense of agency empowers individuals to take proactive steps toward their goals and aspirations.
Authenticity and Self-Acceptance:
Confidence involves being authentic and true to oneself, embracing one's unique qualities, values, and identity. It requires self-acceptance and a willingness to embrace vulnerability and imperfection as essential aspects of the human experience.
Overall, confidence is a multidimensional construct that encompasses beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors related to self-assurance, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. It reflects a deep-seated trust in oneself, a positive self-image, emotional resilience, assertiveness, action-oriented behavior, an internal locus of control, and authenticity. Cultivating confidence involves developing these qualities through self-awareness, self-compassion, personal growth, and consistent practice.
The Benefits of Confidence
Confidence offers a wide array of benefits across various aspects of life, encompassing psychological, social, and professional domains. Here are some key benefits of confidence:
Enhanced Self-Efficacy: Confidence is closely linked to self-efficacy, the belief in one's ability to accomplish tasks and achieve goals. When individuals feel confident in their capabilities, they are more likely to approach challenges with a sense of competence and optimism, leading to greater motivation and resilience in the face of obstacles.
Improved Performance: Confidence positively impacts performance across academic, professional, and personal endeavors. Confident individuals are more likely to take initiative, set ambitious goals, and persist in the pursuit of excellence. They exhibit higher levels of focus, determination, and productivity, leading to superior outcomes and achievements.
Heightened Resilience: Confidence fosters emotional resilience and adaptability, enabling individuals to bounce back from setbacks, failures, and disappointments with greater ease. Confident individuals view setbacks as temporary setbacks rather than insurmountable barriers, maintaining a positive outlook and persevering in the face of adversity.
Effective Communication: Confidence enhances communication skills and interpersonal effectiveness. Confident individuals express themselves assertively, articulate their ideas and opinions with clarity and conviction, and engage in meaningful interactions with others. They exude presence and charisma, commanding attention and respect in social and professional settings.
Positive Self-Image: Confidence is associated with a positive self-image and self-concept. Confident individuals have a strong sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-respect, allowing them to embrace their strengths, celebrate their achievements, and navigate life's challenges with grace and authenticity.
Empowerment and Agency: Confidence empowers individuals to take control of their lives, make informed decisions, and pursue their passions and aspirations with purpose and determination. Confident individuals possess a sense of agency and autonomy, actively shaping their circumstances and creating opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment.
Enhanced Social Relationships: Confidence contributes to fulfilling and meaningful social relationships. Confident individuals are comfortable in their own skin, which fosters genuine connections and intimacy with others. They inspire trust, admiration, and loyalty in their relationships, cultivating a supportive network of friends, mentors, and allies.
Professional Success: Confidence is a key predictor of professional success and career advancement. Confident individuals are more likely to seize opportunities, take calculated risks, and assert themselves in the workplace, leading to greater visibility, recognition, and leadership opportunities.
Overall, confidence serves as a cornerstone of personal growth, well-being, and success, enriching every aspect of life and empowering individuals to realize their full potential and live authentically. Cultivating confidence is a lifelong journey that requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and consistent effort, but the rewards of increased self-assurance and empowerment are immeasurable.
Confidence Myths
There are a lot of confidence myths & misconceptions out there, so I want to dispel a few.
Myth: Confidence is innate and cannot be built.
Reality: While some individuals may naturally possess a predisposition towards confidence, confidence is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Like any skill, confidence requires practice, self-awareness, and deliberate effort. Through consistent practice of confidence-building strategies and techniques, individuals can cultivate greater self-assurance and resilience.
We are all born confident, but painful & shameful experiences chip away at that confidence. Doing trauma processing & inner child work can help rebuild that confidence. We use neuroscience-based tools to do that in the Blush Academy.
Myth: Confidence means being fearless and never experiencing self-doubt.
Reality: Confidence does not mean being free from self-doubt or fear. Rather, confidence involves acknowledging and accepting one's fears and insecurities while choosing to take action and pursue goals despite them. True confidence is about embracing vulnerability, learning from failures, and persevering in the face of challenges.
Myth: Confidence is synonymous with arrogance or superiority.
Reality: Confidence should not be confused with ego-driven arrogance or a sense of superiority over others. True confidence is grounded in humility, self-awareness, and respect for oneself and others. Confident individuals are secure in their abilities and achievements but also recognize the value and worth of others.
Myth: Confidence is solely based on external validation or success.
Reality: While external validation and success can contribute to feelings of confidence, true confidence comes from within and is not solely reliant on external factors. Authentic confidence is rooted in self-belief, self-acceptance, and a deep sense of inner worthiness, independent of external circumstances or validation from others.
Myth: Building confidence requires pretending to be someone you're not or adopting a false persona.
Reality: Authentic confidence stems from embracing and expressing your true self, rather than trying to conform to unrealistic standards or expectations. Building confidence involves self-discovery, self-acceptance, and aligning your actions with your values and strengths. It's about being genuine and authentic in your interactions with others.
How You Can Become More Confident
Regulating the Nervous System:
Confidence is closely linked to the state of your nervous system. When the nervous system is dysregulated, characterized by chronic stress or anxiety, it can undermine feelings of confidence and self-assurance. Practices that regulate the nervous system, such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation, can help promote a sense of calmness and stability, allowing confidence to flourish.
Addressing Emotional Blocks:
Low confidence may stem from unresolved emotional issues or limiting beliefs acquired during childhood or past experiences. When you identify and work through parts of yourself that hold self-doubt or negative beliefs, you allow for greater self-compassion and confidence to emerge.
Somatic experiencing techniques can also help release stored emotional tension and trauma held in the body, freeing individuals from the grip of past experiences and promoting emotional resilience.
Mind-Body Connection and Gut Health:
The gut-brain axis, a bidirectional communication network between the gut and brain, plays a crucial role in regulating mood, cognition, and emotional well-being. Supporting gut health through a balanced diet rich in fiber, probiotics, and prebiotics can positively influence mood and confidence levels.
Certain nutrients, such as omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, magnesium, and zinc, have been linked to improved mood regulation and cognitive function. Incorporating foods rich in these nutrients, such as seaweed, leafy greens, nuts, seeds, and legumes, can support overall well-being and confidence.
Behavioral Strategies:
Engaging in behaviors that align with your values and goals can boost confidence and self-esteem. Setting achievable goals, celebrating small successes, and practicing self-compassion are important components of building confidence over time.
Cognitive-behavioral techniques, such as reframing negative thoughts, challenging self-limiting beliefs, and visualizing success, can help rewire neural pathways associated with confidence and self-efficacy.
Social Support and Connection:
Cultivating supportive relationships and surrounding yourself with positive influences can bolster confidence and resilience. Seeking out mentors, coaches, or supportive communities can provide encouragement, accountability, and perspective as you work toward building confidence.
Participating in group activities, volunteering, or engaging in hobbies can also enhance social connections and provide opportunities for personal growth and self-expression.
Action Steps You Can Take Today to Increase Your Confidence Levels
Here are actionable strategies to increase confidence levels:
Set Achievable Goals and Celebrate Progress:
Setting specific, achievable goals provides a clear direction and sense of purpose, which can boost confidence and motivation. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrate each milestone along the way. Acknowledging your progress reinforces a sense of competence and reinforces positive self-beliefs.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone:
Engaging in activities that push you out of your comfort zone helps expand your perceived limits and builds resilience. When you challenge yourself to try new things or face fears, you demonstrate to yourself that you are capable of overcoming obstacles and adapting to new situations. Each successful experience outside your comfort zone strengthens your confidence and self-efficacy.
Practice Positive Self-Talk and Affirmations:
Monitor your internal dialogue and replace self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations and self-encouragement. Reframe negative beliefs into empowering statements that affirm your worth, capabilities, and potential for success. By cultivating a supportive inner dialogue, you nurture a mindset of self-compassion and self-belief, which fuels confidence and resilience.
Develop Competence Through Skill-Building:
Invest time and effort in developing skills and competencies relevant to your goals and interests. Whether it's learning a new hobby, acquiring professional certifications, or mastering a craft, continuous skill-building enhances confidence by increasing competence and expertise in areas that matter to you. As you gain proficiency and mastery, your confidence naturally grows.
Seek Feedback and Learn from Failure:
Embrace feedback as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than viewing it as criticism. Solicit constructive feedback from mentors, peers, or trusted individuals to gain valuable insights into areas for improvement and refinement. Similarly, view failure as a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity to course-correct and grow stronger. By adopting a growth mindset and embracing feedback and failure as catalysts for development, you build resilience and confidence in your ability to navigate challenges.
Practice Visualization and Mental Rehearsal:
Use visualization techniques to mentally rehearse success scenarios and visualize yourself achieving your goals. Visualizing positive outcomes activates neural pathways associated with confidence and self-efficacy, priming your mind for success and reinforcing a belief in your capabilities. Regularly visualize yourself overcoming challenges, handling setbacks with resilience, and achieving your desired outcomes to instill confidence and motivation.
If you want support with Mental Rehearsal, use the guided Mental Rehearsal Neural Rewiring Practice in the Blush Academy
Surround Yourself with Supportive People:
Cultivate relationships with individuals who uplift and encourage you, and who believe in your abilities and potential. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends, mentors, and peers creates a nurturing environment that fosters confidence and self-belief. Seek out role models who embody the qualities and achievements you aspire to, and learn from their experiences and perspectives. A supportive social network provides validation, encouragement, and constructive feedback, bolstering your confidence and resilience on your journey of personal growth and development.
Practice Gratitude and Self-Appreciation:
Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by acknowledging your strengths, accomplishments, and the positive aspects of your life. Regularly reflect on your achievements, progress, and the qualities that make you unique and valuable. Express appreciation for yourself and your journey, recognizing the efforts and resilience required to overcome challenges and pursue your goals. Gratitude and self-appreciation foster a sense of self-worth and validation, nurturing confidence and self-assurance.
Engage in Physical Activity and Body Positivity:
Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine, whether it's through exercise, yoga, dance, or outdoor activities. Physical movement releases endorphins, boosts mood, and improves body awareness, promoting a positive body image and self-esteem. Focus on how physical activity makes you feel strong, energized, and capable, rather than solely on aesthetic outcomes. Embrace body positivity by appreciating your body's functionality, resilience, and unique characteristics, fostering confidence and self-acceptance from within.
Eat Gut & Brain Nourishing Foods
eat foods that are rich in nutrients that support your nervous system & gut health. if you want more info on this, definitely let me know.
Using these tools, you can also have the confidence levels of an older man talking about tax policy and fucking young hot girls. You’re welcome!
No but all jokes aside..building confidence is one of the most important tools for living the life of your dreams, and luckily confidence is a skill that is built. If you have any questions or requests for more information, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
