Don’t Eat Your Feelings — Do This Instead
Yesterday, my partner (we call him “Aussie” on the podcast) and I walked to the vet to pick up some of Samantha’s medications. We were supposed to go to a breathwork class at 6pm, so we decided to do a little “family walk” to the vet and back, with Samantha, to pick up her meds.
[note: Sam really loves when the 3 of us go for walks, but because of time & convenience, we usually don’t do the walks as a trio. Yesterday we purposefully scheduled a walk for all 3 of us.]
When we were 2 blocks from the vet’s office, Sam started walking weird. She was swaying a lot and placing her legs in a weird manner.
If you’re a long time-time listener, you might recall that Sam used to be paralyzed almost a decade ago, and that a few summers ago she herniated her discs again and was not allowed to move for a full month.
So naturally, when we see her walking be off, we assume the worst.
Luckily, we were already almost at the vet, so Aussie quickly picked her up and we ran to the vet, and her vet was able to squeeze her in.
After a full exam, the vet concluded that it was, in fact, a neurological event. It most likely is her discs again, although it’s possible that it’s a more serious brain thing. Unfortunately there is no real way to know, so we are putting her on modified strict-rest, and she’s taking some nerve medication and some serious pain killers.
Then last night, Sam had 3 accidents throughout the night, forcing us to be up doing laundry all night.
Then, in the morning, I got a text that one of my close friends was in the hospital on a ventilator.
All of these events culminated in something interesting…I found myself craving brownies at 7am. And I mean CRAVING. Like, would have done anything to start eating brownies at 7am.
I resisted. Not because I wanted to punish myself. But because I knew it would not lead to anything good. I knew that it was merely a means of trying to numb the pain, to disassociate, and that in the long run, it would only make things harder.
Why We Crave Sweets When We’re Stressed & Grieving
Biological Factors:
Neurotransmitter Regulation: When we experience negative emotions such as sadness or stress, our brain chemistry undergoes changes that can influence our mood and behavior. One neurotransmitter implicated in these processes is serotonin, often referred to as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter. Sugar consumption can temporarily boost serotonin levels, leading to a short-lived sense of pleasure or relief from negative emotions.
Reward Pathways: Consuming sugar activates reward pathways in the brain, including the release of dopamine, another neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This activation reinforces the behavior of eating sugary foods, making it more likely that we will seek out these foods in response to negative emotions in the future.
Psychological Factors:
Emotional Regulation: Many people turn to food, particularly sugary and sweet foods, as a way to cope with difficult emotions and regulate mood. This coping mechanism may be learned early in life as a form of self-soothing or may develop over time in response to repeated experiences of using food to manage emotions.
Associations and Memories: Certain foods, including sugary treats, may be associated with positive memories or experiences from childhood or other significant times in our lives. Consuming these foods can evoke feelings of comfort, nostalgia, or safety, making them especially appealing during times of distress.
Social Factors:
Cultural Influences: In many cultures, sweets and desserts are often associated with celebrations, holidays, and special occasions. As a result, we may turn to these foods during times of sadness or stress as a way to recreate the sense of joy and festivity associated with these events.
Social Norms and Peer Influence: Social norms and peer pressure can also play a role in our food choices, including the consumption of sugary foods. If those around us are indulging in sweets as a form of comfort or stress relief, we may be more likely to follow suit and engage in similar behaviors.
It's important to note that while consuming sugar may provide temporary relief from negative emotions, it is not a sustainable or effective long-term strategy for emotional regulation. Excessive consumption of sugary foods can have negative consequences for both physical and mental health, including increased risk of obesity, type 2 diabetes, and mood disorders.
Do This Instead
Instead of relying on sugar as a primary coping mechanism, it's essential to develop a toolkit of healthier and more adaptive ways to manage stress, regulate emotions, and cope with difficult situations.
Neuroscience and nervous system-based approaches can offer valuable tools and strategies to help individuals manage emotional eating and binge eating behaviors. Here are some tips informed by modalities such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, somatic experiencing, and more:
Connect with Your Parts: Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach that recognizes individuals as containing multiple "parts" or aspects of the self, each with its own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. When it comes to emotional eating, it can be helpful to identify and connect with the parts of you that are involved in the behavior. For example, you may have a "comfort-seeking" part that turns to food for soothing during times of distress, or a "critic" part that judges and shames you for overeating. By acknowledging and understanding these parts, you can cultivate greater self-awareness and compassion, which can help mitigate the urge to engage in emotional eating.
Practice Somatic Awareness: Somatic experiencing involves tuning into bodily sensations and using them as a guide for understanding and regulating emotions. When you notice the urge to emotionally eat or binge, pause and take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Tune into your body and notice any physical sensations or tension you may be experiencing. Is there tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach, or a lump in your throat? By bringing awareness to these sensations, you can begin to unravel the underlying emotions driving the urge to eat.
Use Grounding Techniques: Grounding techniques can help anchor you in the present moment and soothe dysregulated nervous system states that may trigger emotional eating. Try grounding exercises such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindful body scanning. These practices can help shift your focus away from food and into your body, promoting a sense of calm and stability.
Engage in Self-Compassion: Binge eating and emotional eating are often accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt, and self-criticism. Practice self-compassion by offering yourself kindness and understanding in moments of struggle. Remind yourself that emotional eating is a common response to stress and difficult emotions, and that you are not alone in experiencing it. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.
Build Healthy Coping Skills: Instead of turning to food as a primary coping mechanism, explore alternative ways to regulate your emotions and manage stress. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as spending time in nature, practicing creative expression, or connecting with loved ones. Develop a toolbox of healthy coping skills that you can turn to when you're feeling overwhelmed or triggered, such as journaling, meditation, or exercise. Personally, I didn’t tell myself that I couldn’t have the brownies. Instead, I thought to myself “ok, I’m going to go for a walk first, then do my breathwork & meditation, and then I can eat all the brownies I want.” The last time I had the urge to emotionally eat was several months ago, and similarly, I said to myself “ok fine, if you want to eat your feelings, that’s fine, but we’re going to do a little exercise first.” The movement, breathwork, & meditation are healthy coping mechanisms for me that actually help me mobilize stored emotions; whereas eating brownies at 7am is not.
Make Sure You’re Getting Enough Carbs: Complex carbohydrates are a precursor to serotonin, a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in mood regulation and emotional well-being. Adequate intake of complex carbohydrates can support optimal serotonin production, promoting feelings of calmness and relaxation. Many complex carbohydrate-rich foods are also high in dietary fiber, which supports digestive health and promotes feelings of fullness and satiety. Fiber-rich foods help regulate appetite and prevent excessive fluctuations in blood sugar levels, which can contribute to mood swings and energy crashes.
Seek Professional Support: If emotional eating or binge eating persists despite your efforts to manage it on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in eating disorders or trauma-informed care. A trained professional can help you explore the underlying factors contributing to your eating behaviors and develop personalized strategies for healing and recovery.
By integrating these neuroscience-informed tools and practices into your daily life, you can cultivate greater self-awareness, regulate your nervous system more effectively, and develop healthier patterns around food and eating. Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and healing.
Mindful Emotional Eating?
This might sound like an oxymoron, but hear me out:
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to overcome the urge to do something. And that’s ok. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you lazy, and it doesn’t mean you have no willpower. It simply means that you are a human.
If you find yourself really unable to resist the urge, I suggest you do 3 things:
Tell yourself that you can eat whatever you want, but first you have to use some kind of functional regulation tool. Maybe it’s a little walk, maybe it’s a short workout or yoga flow, maybe it’s breathwork, maybe it’s meditation. I’m really partial to the “mobilizing emotions” breathwork practice from the Nervous System Regulation course within the Blush Academy
Once you do your grounding technique, if you still find yourself really yearning for the sweet treat or whatever else, make sure to pick something that has lots of fiber. Fiber-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes, are digested more slowly than simple sugars. This slow digestion results in a gradual and steady release of glucose into the bloodstream, which helps maintain stable blood sugar levels. In contrast, foods that are sweet and low in fiber, such as candies, pastries, and sugary drinks, can cause rapid spikes and crashes in blood sugar levels, leading to fluctuations in energy levels and mood. Fiber also acts as a prebiotic, meaning it provides nourishment for beneficial bacteria in the gut. These bacteria play a crucial role in supporting gut health and the gut-brain axis, which is the bidirectional communication network between the gut and the brain. A healthy gut microbiome has been linked to improved mood, cognitive function, and overall nervous system health. In contrast, consuming excess simple sugars can disrupt the balance of gut bacteria and contribute to gut dysbiosis, which may negatively impact nervous system function. Moreover, high-fiber foods may also have indirect benefits for nervous system health by promoting stress reduction and resilience. Research suggests that a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains is associated with lower levels of perceived stress and improved mood. Additionally, fiber-rich foods contain compounds such as magnesium and B vitamins that play key roles in neurotransmitter synthesis and mood regulation.
While you’re eating, be really mindful and present. Try not to disassociate, let your mind wander, or have 15 different screens in front of you. Really pay attention to the smell of what you’re eating, how it feels in your hands, the textures you experience in your mouth, the taste, and so on.
Ok I’m off to go refine my “Feel Your Feelings Brownie” recipe that is the perfect thing to consume when you’re in your feels. Sending you so much love!
