Picking Fights
It feels like my entire relationship history is filled with picking fights.
When I dated my college boyfriend, we fought the entire time. It feels like we were in a constant state of fighting, breaking up, and making up. So toxic. I knew I was picking a lot of the fights, but at the time, I think I couldn’t see that he was really gaslighting me quite a bit & that it definitely wasn’t all on me.
Pretty much every long-term relationship I was in after that had a similar path. Maybe not quite as much breaking up & making up, but definitely a lot of fight picking on my part. When I started dating my ex—who we call “the comedian”— I thought I was probably past all of the fight picking. I had been meditating daily for over a year, I had all these new spiritual & grounding practices. I figured I had evolved out of fight picking.
In the beginning, I was perfectly behaved. I was sweet, upbeat, happy, fun, funny, easy-going, fun to be around…just the all around perfect girl to date. A few months in, I had my first snap. I can’t even remember what happened, but I kinda snapped & was irritable. I later apologized profusely & promised it would never happen again.
A few weeks later, I had a MAJOR fight picking moment. I was drinking, I snapped, and caused a massive scene. He didn’t talk to me for a bit after that. I kept trying to reconcile, he kept questioning it, but eventually I kind of wore him down I guess? We started dating. All was well until Dec 31, 2018.
At the NYE show we were at, I full on lost it, picked the biggest fight with him, broke up with him at the Phish Show we were at, stormed off, stormed back, you name it. The next day I profusely apologized & desperately tried to reconcile, but it was the end.
That breakup hit me really hard. Not only did I lose the person I thought I was “meant” to be with, but I also knew it was my fault. I couldn’t quite get over it because I kept thinking if I hadn’t picked that fight, we would be together.
I set out to really figure out why I kept picking fights. Why it seemed like I started every relationship so wonderfully, but would slowly devolve into a full-blown demon. What made me channel Lucifer a few months into a relationship?
I tried approximately 45,678 different modalities of therapy, read hundreds of books, tried herbal remedies & supplements, took classes & workshops, saw healers, coaches, psychologists, you name it…all in all, I wasted a lot of time & A LOT of money. In the process, however, I did learn a lot about fight picking. A learned a lot of reasons why we pick fights, I learned what the roots are, and I learned how to heal.
And I outlined everything in a course for you. This course is everything I wish I had 3 years ago. It takes everything I found that worked, and omits everythingggggg that didn’t. It is filled with everything I learned, all the things I did that helped, and so much more.
If you feel like you can’t control your emotions, feel like every relationship you’re in implodes, feel like you can’t trust yourself to not screw it up…this is for you.
