A Holistic, Mind-Body Guide to Confidence
When I was 20, I worked in policy. There was a man that I worked with who had more game than anyone I’ve ever seen.
He was 50 years old, divorced, had 3 teenage kids, a mortgage on a very mediocre house, an obsession with college football, a handsome face framed by salt & pepper hair, and not much disposable income.
Yet, he was pulling 20-something models left, right, and center like he was Leonardo DiCaprio.
No yacht, no fame, no wealth, no recurring Oscar snubs…but the same level of game. It always perplexed me.
One day, I asked him how he was pulling this off. His answer surprised me, for 2 reasons: 1. it was incredibly self-aware & honest, 2. it was actually really simple.
He told me that he tends to meet women when he is giving talks on tax policy (that was his field of work). He said he knew tax policy, and the subject of his talks, so well that he was incredibly confident on stage. And that women were drawn to that confidence. He said that he would never have this type of luck if he was going to bars or meeting people at parties, his success rate is merely a reflection of his confidence.
This story was memorable enough for me to stick with me for the past 15 years. It’s something I think about often, and try to dissect. If this creepy old man could bed all these beautiful women just because he exuded authentic confidence, what could all of us achieve if we were more confident? And…how do we get there?
What Confidence Is
Confidence is a multifaceted psychological construct that encompasses beliefs in one's abilities, self-worth, and capacity to navigate life's challenges effectively. While confidence can manifest differently across individuals and situations, it generally involves a sense of self-assurance, assertiveness, and optimism about one's capabilities and potential for success. I really like this simple definition: the belief in oneself.
Confidence is closely linked to success in various domains, including academic achievement, career advancement, and interpersonal relationships. Studies have shown that individuals with higher levels of confidence are more likely to set ambitious goals, take risks, and persevere in the face of obstacles, leading to greater success and fulfillment.
Impostor syndrome, characterized by feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy despite evidence of success, is a common experience among high-achieving individuals. Studies have found that up to 70% of people may experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives, particularly in competitive academic and professional environments.
What Confidence Isn’t
Contrary to popular belief, confidence does not precede action; rather, it emerges as a byproduct of action. The brain operates on a feedback loop, where taking small steps outside one's comfort zone stimulates neural circuits associated with learning, adaptation, and self-assessment. Each success, however modest, reinforces neural pathways linked to confidence, bolstering resilience and propelling further action.
How to Become More Confident
Neuroplasticity, the brain's remarkable ability to reorganize and adapt, offers a promising avenue for cultivating confidence. By intentionally engaging in new experiences, setting achievable goals, and challenging limiting beliefs, individuals can harness neuroplasticity to rewire neural networks associated with self-doubt and fear. Through consistent practice and exposure to novel stimuli, the brain undergoes structural and functional changes, fostering a mindset of empowerment and possibility.
Dopamine, often hailed as the "reward neurotransmitter," plays a central role in motivation, goal-directed behavior, and reinforcement learning. As individuals take action towards their goals, dopamine levels surge, signaling the brain's reward system and reinforcing confidence-building behaviors. By optimizing dopamine function through lifestyle factors such as exercise, adequate sleep, and positive social interactions, individuals can amplify their capacity for confidence and resilience.
Mindfulness and self-compassion serve as potent antidotes to the neural pathways of self-doubt and negativity. Through mindfulness practices, you can cultivate present-moment awareness and nonjudgmental acceptance of your experiences, fostering a sense of equanimity and self-assurance. Similarly, self-compassion nurtures a kind and nurturing inner dialogue, counteracting the inner critic and nurturing resilience in the face of setbacks.
Foods that Make You Confident
Although there isn't a specific food that can magically boost confidence levels on its own, certain nutrients and foods can support brain health, mood regulation, and overall well-being, which indirectly contribute to confidence. Here are some examples:
Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Found in fatty fish like salmon, mackerel, and sardines, as well as in flaxseeds, chia seeds, and walnuts, omega-3 fatty acids support brain health and may improve mood and cognitive function.
Protein: Protein-rich foods like lean meats, poultry, fish, eggs, tofu, and legumes provide amino acids that are essential for neurotransmitter synthesis, which can positively impact mood and energy levels.
Complex Carbohydrates: Whole grains like oats, quinoa, brown rice, and barley provide a steady release of glucose into the bloodstream, supporting stable energy levels and mood regulation.
Leafy Greens and Vegetables: Rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, vegetables like spinach, kale, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts support overall health and may contribute to improved mood and cognitive function.
Berries: Berries like blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries are rich in antioxidants and polyphenols, which have been associated with cognitive benefits and may support brain health.
Nuts and Seeds: Nuts and seeds like almonds, pumpkin seeds, and sunflower seeds are rich in magnesium, which plays a role in mood regulation and stress management.
Turmeric: The active compound in turmeric, called curcumin, has anti-inflammatory properties and may support brain health and mood regulation.
Fermented Foods: Fermented foods like yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, and kimchi contain probiotics that support gut health, which is increasingly linked to mood and overall well-being.
Cacao: Dark chocolate contains flavonoids and other compounds that may have mood-enhancing effects and promote feelings of well-being.
Herbal Teas: Certain herbal teas like chamomile, peppermint, and green tea may have calming effects and promote relaxation, which can indirectly support confidence levels.
While incorporating these foods into your diet can support overall well-being and potentially contribute to improved confidence, it's essential to remember that confidence is multifaceted and influenced by various factors, including mindset, self-esteem, and life experiences. A balanced diet, regular physical activity, adequate sleep, stress management techniques, and positive social connections also play important roles in fostering confidence and well-being.
Actions that Make You Confident
In order to grow your confidence, here are some action steps you can take:
Work Through your Limiting Beliefs: we all came onto this planet with limitless confidence. It is our painful & shameful memories that have chipped away at that confidence. Identifying your limiting beliefs, changing the stories we assign to them, and rewiring your beliefs takes away the effect of these memories. For more on how to do this, listen to episode 173, “5 Steps to Make Your Dream Life Your Reality,” available everywhere you listen to podcasts (including Apple Podcasts here), and you can WATCH the whole episode on Spotify (available here)
Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Become aware of negative self-talk patterns and cognitive distortions that undermine your confidence. Practice cognitive reframing techniques to challenge and replace negative thoughts with more realistic and positive affirmations, rewiring neural pathways associated with self-doubt and insecurity.
Focus on Strengths: Identify and leverage your strengths, talents, and past successes. Engaging in activities that showcase your abilities and expertise activates neural networks associated with self-confidence and competence, boosting overall confidence levels.
Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity: Adopt a growth mindset and view setbacks and failures as opportunities for growth and learning rather than reflections of your worth or abilities. Embracing failure with resilience and optimism helps reframe negative experiences in a way that fosters self-confidence and perseverance.
Seek Social Support: Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging individuals who believe in your abilities and provide constructive feedback and validation. Positive social interactions activate neural circuits associated with feelings of belonging and self-worth, enhancing confidence and resilience.
Engage in Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Cultivate mindfulness and self-compassion practices to increase self-awareness, emotional regulation, and self-acceptance. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression while enhancing feelings of self-efficacy and confidence.
Set Achievable Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks and set specific, achievable objectives. Accomplishing these mini-goals boosts your brain's reward system, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine and reinforcing a sense of competence and confidence.
Practice Visualization: Use the power of visualization to mentally rehearse success scenarios and build confidence. Visualizing yourself accomplishing goals and overcoming challenges activates the same neural pathways in your brain as actual experiences, reinforcing positive beliefs about your abilities. For more on how to do this, listen to episode 173, “5 Steps to Make Your Dream Life Your Reality,” available everywhere you listen to podcasts (including Apple Podcasts here), and you can WATCH the whole episode on Spotify (available here)
Practice Power Poses: Research suggests that adopting expansive "power poses" can increase feelings of confidence and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Strike a confident posture, such as standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, for a few minutes each day to boost your confidence and sense of personal power.
More on Confidence, Mindset, and Motivation
If you want to be as confident as my former boss was while talking about tax policy, listen to episode 173, “5 Steps to Make Your Dream Life Your Reality,” available everywhere you listen to podcasts (including Apple Podcasts here), and you can WATCH the whole episode on Spotify (available here)
