Types of “Crazy” in Dating

Attachment theory, proposed by psychologist John Bowlby, offers valuable insights into how our early relationships shape our emotional bonds throughout life. Anxious attachment, one of the attachment styles identified in this theory, can manifest in various ways, including protest behavior.

Understanding Anxious Attachment Protest Behavior:

Anxious attachment protest behavior often arises when individuals feel insecure in their relationships and fear abandonment or rejection. This behavior is driven by a deep-seated need for reassurance, closeness, and validation from their partner. Here are some common signs of anxious attachment protest behavior:

1. Excessive Contact: Individuals with anxious attachment may engage in constant texting, calling, or seeking physical proximity to their partner. They may feel a constant urge to check in or seek reassurance of their partner's love and commitment.

2. Jealousy and Possessiveness: Anxious individuals may exhibit jealousy even in the absence of any real threat to the relationship. They may feel threatened by their partner's interactions with others and may seek to control or monitor their partner's activities.

3. Emotional Reactivity: Anxious attachment protest behavior often involves heightened emotional reactions to perceived threats or conflicts in the relationship. Individuals may become easily upset, anxious, or distressed, and may struggle to regulate their emotions.

4. Fear of Rejection: Underlying anxious attachment protest behavior is a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment. Individuals may interpret minor disagreements or distance from their partner as signs of impending rejection, leading to heightened anxiety and distress.

Anxious attachment protest behavior typically stems from early experiences of inconsistent caregiving or neglect in childhood. These experiences can shape individuals' beliefs about themselves and their relationships, leading to a fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance. Other contributing factors may include past traumas, low self-esteem, or unresolved emotional issues.

In this week’s pod episode, I tell some unhinged stories about crazy things I’ve done in past relationships & situationships. Listen to ep 168, “Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviors: 5 Common Ways we go ‘Crazy’ in Dating,” to hear more— available everywhere you listen to podcasts, including on Apple podcasts here, and you can WATCH the whole thing on Spotify (available here).